Aaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhh - In the name of Thiago - Day 82

Well it’s the calm after the storm now but a little earlier I was going fucking mental. And for what. All because the technology, which I have been supplied with to do my job, failed. Which is absolutely not my fault, you‘re probably thinking.

Then the back-up plan to use this MacBook Air to access the work server also failed for reasons which I don’t actually understand, which in turn led to me driving to Sandbach to doing what amounted to about three hours’ work. Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

I was tense, frustrated and just let everything get on top of me. I shouldn’t have let that happen. I’m 43-years-old and I should be able to just step away from it. As Angelica rightly pointed out when I got home, it really doesn’t matter shit.

I told myself, and I’m sure I’ve said as much in these pages over the last three months, that losing my son would help give me a new perspective. Well I let myself down today unfortunately. I know what’s doing it, aside from my natural tendency to have high levels of anxiety. It’s this fucking virus, ruining all our plans. Donations have completely stalled for perfectly understandable reasons and my ability to fundraise has done the same.

And let’s be honest, although I’m sitting tight for another couple of weeks yet to see what Dominic Cummings tells Boris to say next, I am fearful that the centre-point of my whole year – the 300 mile walk from Eastbourne to Stoke-on-Trent - is going to have to be kiboshed as well.

So that’s why this video made me laugh hysterically when I watched it again tonight. I am at the point of hysteria. Good old Fivestar from work – she shared this with me and a few other colleagues yesterday and it is a fair representation of where I was at 3pm today!

Angelica and I had a nice chat tonight, gees we’ve been through a lot this last year. She knows me so well and rather than give me a kicking when she knows I’m pretty down, she got me to do some breathing exercises. I know this shit makes me feel better, why don’t I do it more? A deep breath, hold it and let it go. Do that three times and you do feel better.

This did at least bring a smile to my face. Angelica's good friend Camilla sent us this little video of the people of Colliers Wood getting behind the NHS. Lord knows we need them folks 

So I really am going to try to relax. I’m hoping this fig, honey and cinnamon rum liqueur will help send me off tonight with barely a care in the world. Well you can but try..


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