Blockage - In the name of Thiago - Day 66
I’ve reached a block.
The body is not responding in the way that it was last week. This morning, I had to make a decision about walking to work tomorrow and chose not to. It’s been hosing down all week but it has gradually dried out as the day has gone on, so now I’m beginning to regret my decision.
To be honest, it’s not that I even mind the rain that much – Lord knows it pisses down often enough when I’m out on one of my training walks – it’s just that I really didn’t want a repeat of wading through a flooded road in Malkin’s Bank with standing water up to my shins. I bet it’s bloody clear now! Well it’s done now so I need to forget about it and crack on.
The thing is, I’m also aching in my arms and legs but it’s nothing to do with any physical exertion, which makes me feel quite down. This is how I used to feel when I was a teenager, when things started to go badly for me.
I’m not in that place now but I am getting frustrated. I seem to be getting 2-3 good days but then 2-3 bad ones to follow them up with and it just drains me. It really is difficult to crack on when the body is saying the opposite. But I know that I need to for my own sanity.
I’m also starting to question whether blogging every day is the right thing to be doing. Coupled with all the fundraising activity I’m doing, am I focussing my attention in the right areas? I’ve thought about that a lot today but I think I’m right.
(the shorts since you haven't asked are the national football shorts of Zanzibar given to me by none other than the mercurial Jamie Hickey)
One of my mates, who was a little concerned about me after my drunken blog on Saturday, rang me on Sunday evening to say that he admired me for what I was doing. He’s a little older than me so to hear him say that felt really humbling.
I have reflected and now the penny is finally starting to drop, that in actual fact hardly anyone could do what I’m doing so soon after losing a child. When I’m having a shitty day, as I am today, I must try to give myself credit for the incredible work that I have been doing since the turn of the year. When your default position is to self-deprecate, that can still be tricky though.
In other news, Dad had an appointment at our local hospital this morning. We had a bit of a scare with him when he was last admitted but without going into too much detail here, they’ve cleared him for now, which means they don’t need to see him for another six months. Just as importantly for him (and Angelica and I to be brutally honest), he is now able to push on with his plans to move into his new house. I have no idea how long this might take but I do know that I’m finding it difficult and that the old man having his own space is in everyone’s interests.
Please do continue to share my blog through whichever channels you feel happiest doing so and help me keep up the fundraising effort. Every penny donated takes me a step closer to that £10,000 target!
See you folks I'm off to yoga!