I am shitfaced - In the name of Thiago - Day 63



After a fuckload of time which I can’t very easily put into words, I have found myself at my sister’s house in Wiltshire .

This is weird as shit but I’m doing my best. I am also slaughtered as I write this after Pete (my wonderful sister’s husband who is keeping me going is keeping me in tow), is monitoring the situation.



The truth is I am feeling low. Really low. Pete has achieved so much and has provided a wonderful life for his family which obviously includes my sister and what have I done for me and mine?

I need to get a grip. I know that the world is a complicated place and yet all I feel is sadness. One thing I know is that I love my sister Holly. She is absolutely phenomenal.

My beautiful wife Angelica is wonderful too and keeps me well. I am so sorry, I am so conflicted and I have to take some space to say good night. I am drunk and confused..

This is day 63 and I am truly brutalised. Good night folks, I can do no more.




)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting through the pain - In the name of Thiago - Day 1

Image
You know how it is. The kids are going back to school, work has reared its ugly bastard head and you start to think what am I doing?
Well if there’s one thing that the death of your child does: it’s focus the mind. My name is Chris, I’m married to a wonderful lady called Angelica and have a beautiful daughter called Elisa, who has just turned 11. But I’m also fat and worse than being fat, I’m feeling fat and frankly I’ve been doing very little to alleviate the weight gain for quite a while.
But you know what, I’m going to give myself a break because my beautiful boy Thiago (the gorgeous lad in the picture) died at the end of November and we only buried him a week before Christmas. He was a week shy of being ten months old when he checked out and ever since, I’ve been an absolute fucking mess. Every day is racked with emotional pain. I start the day crying, I end it crying and in between well you can probably work it out.
So I thought to myself, what can I constructively do to try and mak…
Read more

Up and running - In the name of Thiago - Day 5

Image
It might end up being a slightly shorter version of the blog today, simply because I’m absolutely bushed. The day started at 2.30am with the airport run as I mentioned yesterday. I drove up to Manchester with Angelica and naturally her parents, Edilberto and Marilena. Angelica and I have been married for 14 years and in that time it’s been very hard to get to know her parents as it’s really tough financially for us to go there. When it comes to them visiting us it’s almost impossible as the Brazilian real doesn’t go very far in the UK.

While the reason for them coming twice in the space of six months is terribly sad, it has at least allowed me to get to know them better. And all joking aside, that has been a blessing this last few weeks, when the lows have been very low indeed.
It’s also allowed me the perfect opportunity to keep improving my Portuguese. With the exception of a piece of translation at my auntie’s house where I inadvertently killed off my uncle by getting the words for …
Read more

Plumbing the depths - In the name of Thiago - Day 11

Image
In the name of Thiago

Okay I’ll admit the title for today’s blog entry is a little melodramatic but as I’ve always been a person who has ridiculous emotional extremes, you’ll have to excuse me.
I slept like a log last night, too much so in fact, not waking up until a minute after my daughter Elisa had left and gone to school. The fact that I slept for so long gave me a sense of failure, (I warned you about the extremes).
Even if I haven’t got a particularly busy day planned, I still like to rise reasonably early. I find that if I don’t, it can leave me feeling quite gloomy. Clearly, I’ve done a lot of feeling sad lately so that gloominess doesn’t need any encouragement but today it just got the better of me and stayed there all day.


Then there was the matter of the burst water pipe under our sink, which is positioned at an insanely impossible angle to get at in such eventualities. Angelica was already downstairs, sleeves rolled up attacking the cupboards with gusto with the big man perfo…
Read more