The great balancing act - In the name of Thiago - Day 67
Both people I spoke too have their own real life experiences which inform their opinions, so I took a lot from both of them. The first conversation was around looking at the things that currently cause me stress and then finding a way to address them.
The essence of the situation is that I am really frustrated that Angelica and I are not being able to grieve properly for the loss of Thiago. It causes me a lot of stress but it’s almost been easier for me as I’ve had the distraction of work now for nearly two months. For Angelica, who has only just gone back to being on the full time rota at the hospital, I think it’s hit harder.
That’s the big thing. But a not insignificant number two on the list of stressful situations is the frustration of having my dad living under the same roof as me.
And while it may well seem very obvious to all of you reading this tonight, the realisation has now struck me that unless I deal with problem number two, I am never going to be able to deal with problem number one.
This helps, but that’s only on Tuesdays..
The second conversation focused on the need for me to be honest with Angelica. I know what I like and what helps me in my quest for better physical and mental health (and right now I’m feeling pretty much at the lower end on both fronts), but this can also come at a price for family life. In a sense this almost becomes a third hidden problem because the other two are clearly front and centre.
I remain unsure about my mental clarity and capacity to make sensible decisions but I do know that I need to keep doing many of the things that make me feel happier. Even the slightest positive change feels like an epic victory to me at the moment. I am crying a lot but I’m not sure I’m really grieving and I know that Angelica has much more to go through too. We both have a day off on Friday. We are going to endeavor to support each other as best we can. Frankly it’s the only way.
I know I’m a broken record folks but donating to my special causes is one way to ease my mental suffering because it means I’m achieving something. The hospitals need our help so let’s help them by donating here.