After you Claude – In the name of Thiago – Day 145

After a couple of days of helping my Dad move things into his new house, it was with some degree of contentedness that I had a break and went back to work today. It’s funny, I understand that a lot of people take annual leave in order to relax and just get away from life’s problems. It seems to be the opposite way round for me at the moment.

I just feel agitated. It started yesterday and it’s continued and got much worse today. It seems to me that Dad is veering towards depression, worry and anxiety at many different touchpoints. Thank some greater being then, that Angelica has come riding in to the rescue once more.

She took Dad to The Range today to help him buy bedding and other household items. The old man simply doesn’t seem to know what’s going on half the time and is relying completely on us to get him set up. He is 67. I think it’s more important than ever that he does start to get settled into his new place, as it will force him to start doing things for himself. I feel a mixture of sadness and anger at regular intervals, which then of course leads to frustration.

After their visit to The Range, Angelica and the old man went to his bungalow, from where Dad left Angelica to assemble the beds in both his room and the spare room and also a table in the kitchen. Dad took a trip to Tesco to kill some time.

In a couple of hours Angelica has worked wonders. I simply find her to have inexhaustible levels of patience where Dad is concerned. On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, I feel like I’m constantly on the point of buckling and only her reasoned calm approach stops me from going over the edge. The only downside to Angelica’s extraordinary levels of endurance is that they are much closer to being exhausted when I speak to her after a day spent with Dad. Yet another fucking reason to see him get moving.

As you can see, Dad’s house is now pretty much there although we are admittedly having to use our imagination while all the shops are closed as far as lounge furniture is concerned! And everything else that he needs to actually live there is starting to come together too, so it really isn’t perhaps as bad as I’m making it sound. It’s just him. It’s painful at times watching him. A lot of it isn’t his fault, I know that. On the other hand, I do wonder whether he allows himself a chortle as he pulls up the duvet knowing that he’s successfully avoided doing anything at all for another day.

But progress is being made. I’ve successfully managed to get him to agree that he should start living at his house even if he still comes over to us each day, which I feel is a pretty reasonable compromise. And besides the longer he just stays here with us, the harder it then becomes for him when he does move into his house permanently.

I did 45 minutes of yoga tonight. I’m glad I did, although once I finished I then struggled to get the yoga mat back in the fucking bag it comes in, thus taking me immediately back out of my Zen-like state! It really has been one of those days. I didn’t actually do the yoga session outside, though if the glare off the screen isn’t too bad, that is definitely something I might try next week.

All that is left for me to say tonight is my usual plea. If you are new to the blog, you won’t necessarily know that I am planning a 300 mile walk from Eastbourne to Stoke this autumn. This is to remember my son Thiago, who died last November and to raise £10,000 for the two hospitals that treated him with incredible levels of compassion. If you make a contribution to that cause, I will be extremely grateful.


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