Pre-birthday blues - In the name of Thiago - Day 125

It’s nothing really but I’ve just not been quite with it today. I was exhausted on waking up, which was at about 7.15. In a slightly bizarre way, I was almost annoyed with myself for waking up as early as I did, with it being VE Day and therefore a non-working day. I also felt frustrated for feeling so lethargic and down in general.

The frustration comes from having had an extraordinarily productive week, which should have kept me in far greater spirits for much longer you’d have thought. But it’s also a case of feeling somewhere within me that a ‘down’ day should be reserved for days when I’m simply missing my little boy Thiago.

I will draw a positive though – something I find myself increasingly able to do – and that is that pretty much all my down days this year have been because I miss my little man so much. That terrible knot I get in my stomach has almost all been down to the unbearable pain of having said goodbye to him in November.

I did something today I’ve hardly done at all in the last 6-7 weeks and that’s watch television. It was a documentary about the making of Quadrophenia, I was three when this came out in 1979. I think I’ve only seen the film once but some if its scenes are seared in my memory. And of course it’s all shot magnificently in my home county and will forever be synonymous with Brighton.

What did I learn from the documentary? That it may have been a mixed blessing for Franc Roddam that Keith Moon died during production as The Who’s wildman was trying to wrest some creative input and that Leslie Ash really did overdo it on the Botox. I’ve also never really thought about it much but how on earth does Sting end up being cast in the film?  

Angelica has been back at work today after some enforced time off and maybe that’s affected me too in a strange sort of way. You’d think we’d be sick of the sight of each other by now but no, we seem to be getting along pretty well at the moment. I was tasked with getting some ingredients today so that Elisa could bake me a birthday cake. Pictured above is the baker herself in action.

Elisa was on the phone to her friend Primrose for a large part of the afternoon. Primrose has established herself as something of a champion lockdown baker so Elisa was only too happy to go direct to the girl herself for a free consultation.

The proof of the pudding, will as they say, be in the eating, but I’m really touched that Elisa has done this. Just need to make sure that I get a decent couple of slices in now before she demolishes it!

Other than watch that documentary, shop at a comfortingly quiet Lidl and aimlessly potter around the house with the radio on, the only other thing I’ve really done is take in a bit more of my latest reading choice ‘The Bridge of Spies’. It is a fascinating insight into political machinations during the Cold War leading to the kind of exchange that falls into the category of ‘could barely make it up’. Well I guess it’s true what they say about the truth…

For those of you not outside enjoying this glorious late springtime sunshine or perhaps to those who have enjoyed one too many and are feeling generous, please remember why I’m doing this – that’s the daily blogging and the 300-mile walk this autumn.

It’s all in the memory of my amazing little boy and to raise vital funds for the NHS. The target is £10,000. I’m aiming to get there before day one of my walk and then anything else after that is a bonus. Let’s do this!


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