This one goes out to the one I love - In the name of Thiago - Day 127
It seems a fairly obvious thing to say but I’m quite sure that I wouldn’t have been able to manage nearly as well as I have in this grieving process, had it not been for the strength of one person: my wife Angelica.
The longest relationship I’d had prior to meeting Angelica could be measured in months rather than years, so I’m never anything other than amazed that she’s put up with me for the 15 years we’ve been married. It feels as if nothing can break us now.
This feels particularly pertinent today as I’m really getting a full appreciation of how the days have a very different feel when Angelica is around compared to those when she isn’t. I had pre-birthday blues on Friday and have post birthday blues today, nothing particularly unusual about that I guess but yesterday was a brilliant day because Angelica was around with me for all of it.
Like any couple, we’ve had our huge ups and downs over the years, the biggest of them of course has been how we managed to simply try to get by after Thiago was born. The truth of the matter is that it wasn’t just his passing that was hard, though that was the hardest time of all. Thiago’s life was a struggle too. He was in and out of hospital fairly often and constantly having Angelica and I on red alert. Even now, I find it hard to understand just how he managed to stay so positive. I’m just grateful that he did.
This is the time I have the most gratitude for Angelica being the rock in my life. As you may have gathered by now, I am a pretty emotional sort of chap. My highs are very high and my lows are very low, while Angelica’s professional background insists on maintaining a constant sense of calm. I know that she didn’t want to burden me with all the things she could see coming with our little man.
Her incredible selflessness allowed me to really enjoy the precious few months I had with our son. Yes of course I had my worries and concerns but Angelica’s approach meant that I really did remain positive and never gave up on him. I don’t think I ever would have done that of course, but Angelica gave me energy that I’m pretty sure I would never have had otherwise.
She is simply an extraordinary woman with the most phenomenal powers of resilience. Like me, she’s completely devastated by the loss of our little man and life will never, I repeat never be the same again.
But because she’s around, maybe in the coming years I’ll feel a little better, get through the days with something other than constant tears and the feeling of utter exhaustion. I daresay Angelica’s encouragement will also be a big factor in me getting off my arse again and starting to get back into training on the walking front. I’ve done it before so I can do it again.
So this is all for Angelica, what a truly remarkable woman she is.
Please remember what I’m doing and why I’m doing it folks. I’m aiming to raise £10,000 for the two hospitals where Thiago spent far too much time in his tragically short life – that’s Royal Stoke University Hospital and Birmingham Children’s Hospital. Let’s reach the target to help me leave a lasting legacy and to give me another boost as I prepare physically and mentally to walk the 300 miles from Eastbourne to Stoke-on-Trent this autumn. And now it’s over to Boris.