Come rain or shine – In the name of Thiago – Day 175
In between bright sunshine and the weather Gods throwing it down, Angélica and I have crammed in a visit to Tile Mountain in Tunstall and enjoyed an afternoon visit to our Anglo-Brazilian friends Adam and Andrea in Windle, a little hamlet on the outskirts of St Helens.
Angélica has quite rightly chastised me for my lack of interest in the house build project. Let me get this straight though, I have absolutely supported her in realising the dream. In fact, nothing would make me happier than to see the smile on her face when we are the other side of this journey.
But today I was properly engaged in the process from the moment we walked into the tiles place and I know it seems really silly, but just me doing that has made Angélica feel so much happier with me and with life in general. That’s a nice combination. And.. we’ve bought a shitter.
We like these tiles for the shower – they remind me of home and the gorgeous Sussex coast that I miss so much. Maybe retirement if I make it that far – that’s not me being morbid, after you’ve lost a son at nine months you’re entitled to question these things – will see the return of the prodigal son. I love it but am I saying that because we always long for the things we don’t have? I miss my friends, I know that much. I miss them terribly.
The afternoon has been a quiet couple of beers with Adam – he’s a Liverpool fan so he’s in the mood for being happy. Angélica started to make a network of Brazilian friends when we went to Old Trafford to see Brazil play Belarus in the Olympic Games in 2012. I’ll never forget turning up at Stoke railway station on the Sunday morning, wondering whether there might be much of a Brazilian presence only to be overwhelmed by sea of green, yellow and blue.
Within a few weeks we ended up with a completely new social circle, which became even more of a blessing a couple of years later when I got shat on by the film company I was once a part owner of. Thankfully these current friendships seem to be of the more long-lasting nature I reckon.
This is Adam and Andrea. To be honest, we don’t see them that much. They’re the sort of friends that you end the night saying we should do this more often, but it never quite works out that way. We all work full-time and are continuing to work full-time throughout the pandemic so it tends to be a spontaneous thing, as it has been today. It’s always a good shout to meet up though, so we certainly appreciate their flexibility!
I do feel exhausted. Emotionally, these last couple of days have taken a lot out of me and today Angélica and I spoke about how we both felt when the little man died. We don’t think that there was anything that could have been done differently that would have led to a different outcome.
However, there is absolutely no doubt that I was not prepared for what happened and the only reason that Angélica knew what to expect, was because she is a paediatric nurse and read a lot about pulmonary stenosis. That’s why I said the other day that he wasn’t meant to die – no-one ever told me. That I’m afraid is a big failing, which I find hard to excuse. But, nonetheless it hasn’t made me angry enough that I don’t want to fundraise.
Because ultimately there are still people that need help and even if it may be just a very small amount of money in the big scheme of things, it will help my mental health and it will help other parents to maybe have a better outcome than Angélica and I had. That’s worth fighting for.