Good grief - In the name of Thiago - Day 150
Something of an
oxymoron today’s blog title, I would say. My experience of grief is that it
keeps rearing its ugly head and giving me a good solid size ten right in the
nads. I can’t see how this can be good on any level. Certainly not for the old
crown jewels, that’s for sure.
I kind of knew what to
expect when I signed up to a Zoom meeting call for bereaved parents with my old
sparring/grieving partner Gayle Routledge but I certainly wasn’t prepared for how
much it was going to take out of me physically. I can quite honestly, with no
word of exaggeration, describe myself as being emotionally spent. Yet again.
I’m actually pretty
fed up of crying now. People always say to you ‘it’s good to let it out’ to which
I often think but never actually say, ‘you wouldn’t be saying that if you had
to let it out as fucking often as I do’! You have to though, that’s the thing.
The call was for an hour and a half, so plenty long enough. I had to excuse
myself eventually, because I needed to return to work but also because I’d run
my metaphorical race. Nowt left in the tank today folks.
There were five of us on
the call, which included Angelica and myself. I don’t wish to disclose too much
information on here, as clearly this isn’t the right place to do that, but
being in an environment with multiple grieving parents is a whole new dynamic.
It was a shame that
the first time I saw Gayle was on a video call not in person, but this is the
situation that’s been foisted upon all of us. All I would say to all those
whingeing bastards out there fed up with the lockdown restrictions is just be
grateful you’re not grieving as well. That’s a double fucking whammy if ever
there was one.
There was another lady
attending the virtual meeting today, who had lost her daughter even more
recently than I lost my little hero. All I can say is that I hope some of the
words Angelica and I offered her on the call gave her some strength for the
journey ahead. We’re still so fucking raw ourselves but do still feel we can
help.
I feel like a survivor.
While this terrible thing has happened to me, in a bizarre way, as well as
taking something away from me so obviously unfairly, I feel like I’ve also been
given a second chance. A chance to not only do something with the second half
of my life but also to show the world that Thiago’s tragically short life was
not even close to being in vain.
Let’s face it, I wouldn’t
be entertaining the idea of walking 300 sodding miles from Eastbourne to
Stoke-on-Trent if it wasn’t for Thiago’s inspiration. He was only around for nine
months yet look what he’s making me do!
Angelica went up to the
cemetery to visit his grave after the meeting and tidied it up nicely. It will
be nice to get a proper gravestone in there but that’s yet another thing that
is taking forever due to the new world order. And so we continue..
This is the place to go to donate. Be generous if you can folks, but know that any donation is
extremely gratefully received by me and Birmingham Children’s Hospital and Royal
Stoke University Hospital, which collectively will use the funds to improve the
prospects of some very poorly children.
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