Everything has its time - In the name of Thiago - Day 310


So I have decided. This has been something that's been in the back of my mind to do anyway for a while, as it seemed the right time for a number of different reasons, and frankly I don't feel I have all that much to offer you folks at the moment. The daily blog will cease to be at the end of November, which is also when I was planning on closing the fundraiser. The time is coming. Sunday 28 November is the anniversary of the day that Thiago died, it seems right to wrap things up just after that if I can string it out for that long that is! 

I am very grateful to everyone, who over the course of the year has kindly supported this blog by reading it, some of it very good in places, some of it so wearisome I'm surprised you've stayed with it! I have  remained true to myself throughout and been honest as it is possible to be about my thoughts and feelings without me being removed from the internet. But now that time has ended, or at least will end. Not the being honest about my thoughts and feelings bit, just the doing it in a public place. 

Time to move on. Don't know why I thought that would work as an image but hey it filled a space and broke up the text. I'm tired, you can tell. I'm looking at that picture now and seeing someone that needs to do something whatever that might, be but definitely needs to do something. 

I am not well and I recognise that, I've been here before. It's good to recognise it though, I didn't always manage that. Sometimes you just have to feel shit and accept that you're going to feel shit for a bit. Feeling the way I do at the moment - verging towards a period of depression - the thing that I'm actually amazed by is that I haven't been here before this year. I've done pretty fucking well when you think about it.

I am finding it extremely hard to keep going and yes, of course I was warned this flatness would pervade when I finished the walk. In many ways at the time I failed to appreciate the magnitude of what I was achieving that I would be dropping from. It seemed just the thing to do rather than some incredible escapade. The drop off has been huge and is still going south. 

This cheered me today. Someone pulled up outside the house and popped this envelope through my front door. Another donation to the fundraiser and a completely random one at that. There was no note, nothing at all other than the donation and the car had pulled away before I was able to flag it down to thank them. I caught sight of the chap driving and I saw the woman who approached the front door as she was walking away while I was on a work call and I definitely didn't recognise them. Even now four weeks after the walk ended, to experience moments like that is well, heartwarming. Especially so, in some ways.

Ah well, it's time for me to fill my face, that's something that's always good to lift a bit of depression and as Angelica hasn't been on shift today, it will be both healthy and delicious. I am very lucky to have her in my life and I sincerely hope that I'll be able to say that for many more years to come.

Good night everyone. Be kind to yourselves and each other. It's the right way to go about things. 


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