Never to be forgotten - In the name of Thiago - Day 308


It's been a funny old day really. It wouldn't be inaccurate to say that not a great deal has been achieved today but then who cares - it's Sunday after all. 

I didn't actually surface until gone ten and was regularly distracted by the usual well, distractions of modern life. I'd decided that I'd listen to Spurs' game which kicked off at midday, while Angelica decided that she was going to pay a visit to the little man. Sometimes it's good for us to do these things separately. It felt right today.

He looks beautiful today, though I still can't get used to talking about him the way I do since he's been gone. It's still so hard to accept that we are in the position that we are. I am told that although the pain will never lessen in its intensity, the frequency of the daggers being stabbed into my heart will ease off as the years pass. On a good day, I can still smile and take on the world with a 'I shall not be beaten' approach. On a not so good day, I feel like I'm almost biding time until I'm reunited with my little man.  

Angelica has not been the only person who's been thinking about my little hero. While we were out on our canal walk yesterday. Angelica and I received a delivery. When we got home Elisa just said that the lady had said that we weren't to open the package until 'later'.

I want to say a special thank you to Niki, Kathyrn, April, Hollie and Mica. They might not all work with Angelica now but over the last five years at some point these five lovely ladies have been there to support my good lady. For them to provide this lovely gift presentation box in memory of our son was such an incredibly touching gesture. 

I think the plan was to give the box to us on the anniversary of the day we lost our little man but even though we've slumped into another fucking lockdown that was never going to stop the girls from making their beautiful gesture.

It's a bit tricky to make out so I'll write it here: 'Those we love don't go away, They walk beside us every day, Unseen, unheard but always near, Still missed and very dear.'

One of the things that I find so comforting at times, is the way that people that had just a passing connection with Thiago in his tragically short life, are so full of praise for the way he lived it. Such positivity, such joy, such wonder. The tears are coming flooding back now but it's ok. Although saying that, my sadness is making me feel ill today. Some of the energy that was so strong yesterday is less so today. I'm accepting that today is just one of those not so good days I alluded to earlier.

Forever in our hearts - that's right, virtually as is written on his headstone. Angelica has also been given a beautiful bracelet made from amethyst, which I've learnt today is the birthstone of February. The beautiful purple colours are so appropriate for Thiago as well. Purple and yellow were his colours, reflecting his vibrancy and the desire to want to make the most of every day he had with us. He bloody did you know as well, bless him. 

I'm going to be winding up the fundraiser before long, but for now you can still donate. Let's hope next week will be a good one for all of us folks. 


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