Well, I survived - In the name of Thiago - Day 329
The thing with grieving for the loss of a child, is that so much of what you do positively to remember them also brings you pain. I'm always reminding and reassuring people that just because talking about Thiago brings me to tears, that this is in fact ok. There were so many tears yesterday that it got to the point where the salt from them was hurting my face. That's a whole lot of crying.
After a day of extreme emotional turmoil yesterday, we needed to do things today as a family to bring a little happiness back. The plan was that her ladyship and Angelica would set about decorating the house for Christmas while Dad and I would do something constructive outside - the construction of a storage space for firewood in fact.
Angelica had bought some new decorations for the first time in ages - it may actually be the first time since we moved to Staffordshire 15 years ago - and Elisa was keen to see some of this be lavished on our Christmas trees. Yes, you did read that correctly trees plural, which partly explains why we needed to purchase more decorations.
This is Christmas tree part deux, complete with Elisa and Thiago named baubles. I'm neither a huge fan or a disliker of Christmas. I know it's all rather commercial but I'm one of the lucky ones that has time off for Christmas so I get to watch a few games of football and have a few beers - these are certainly not things that I'm against!
Last Christmas was total shit and of course it remains to be seen how Angelica and I find it this time around. Though Elisa continues to feel nothing for the loss of her brother, that's no reason for us not to try to make the season as special as we physically can for her. It will simply never be the same, that completeness as a family is forever unfairly fractured. However, as our little girl - but not really such a little girl any more - loves this time of year, we are happy to try to be swept along with that feeling of magic which she still enjoys.