Cemetery visit - In the name of Thiago - Day 3

It’s just after 6pm and I’m getting ready for my first ever session of yoga. I’ve taken my Mum’s advice not to eat before I go in case I let a few go during the session. Wise woman, my mum.

I went to Keele Cemetery this morning to see my little man. I’m a very emotional chap and so I shed a few more tears as we stood next to where he is buried. Just writing these words means the tears are coming back. I think I’m still very early on in this whole grieving process – the pain just feels so fresh and it keeps smashing me into tomorrow. Sometimes I just can’t see the light because the fucking pain is killing me.

But we carry on because we have to and because it’s what the big man ((Thiago was a little man and a big man to me in equal measure and I continue to interchange how I refer to him to suit the point I’m making – he was little in size but big in spirit) wants me to do well. I know he does because he’s there with me the whole time being my guiding star. That’s why he’s my hero you see.

Anyway he’s going to get me through this yoga session I’m sure. I’m just hoping I make it to the end without  wanting to hit anyone after getting wound up by any overly cheery people. It’s ok, I’ll just blame it on the grieving process. Grief can be good for some stuff it turns out..

So my back’s been killing me, which is why I’m doing the yoga, but this morning when I came downstairs my knee was giving me aggro too. I thought ‘bloody hell I’ve not even started yet.’ Luckily  I’ve got this really good mate Steve who has promised to smash me to pieces while I start to get into shape this month so that’s something to look forward to.

Ever since Thiago died my wife Angelica and I have been surrounded by family. I think we’re both getting to the point now where we’re ready for our own space again. As I said to my mum this morning, it’s been lovely having this strong support network around me but having all this family so close makes me realise how much I enjoy my own company! I think I may have expressed that view a little more bluntly earlier. It’s fair to say I can be blunt.

Right that’s it, time for me to bob upstairs to find some sympathetic clothes to wear in case of bodily malfunction at the yoga. Wish me luck folks!


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