Better days are here - In the name of Thiago - Day 314
I thought I performed commendably well today. Dad came round to bring his misery down on all of us at 10 this morning. Weirdly though, it wasn't too bad. Yes, he was still massively annoying but I was surprisingly able to manage the negativity. In truth, he wasn't anywhere near as bad as normal and I even managed to convince him to come out for a short stroll. He really struggled and I know he's not doing it when he's at home on his own but I really want him to try. That's his call though not mine, I just need to try to support where I can. Providing he doesn't completely fuck me off of course.
Dad just sort of sits and waits for someone to sort his problems out for him. Poor Angelica even had her patience tested today. There's quite often nothing particularly tricky he's trying to do and the help he needs is often just for you to say 'try for yourself and see what happens'. But he still needs that assurance anyway. Angelica says that I remind her of him, which I always remind her is a terrible insult, but there are certainly times when I know what she means. I am improving though. This year, in particular has been one when I've made a lot of positive changes.
Today has been largely about curling up in front of this and watching episodes of the crime series 'Strike'. In a period of lockdown, apart from walks, there doesn't seem much else to do, which, when you say it like that sounds terribly depressing, but then for me what do I actually do most of the time anyway? Spend time with the girls at home and enjoy walks. Sure, on the odd occasion it's a little frustrating that the pub's not an option and that the tennis courts are all closed but I have to be honest and say that the lockdown itself isn't troubling me all that much second time around.
The part that sometimes weighs on me is the simple fact that you can't do it. The fact that I wouldn't be doing something anyway doesn't always over-ride the other things that are going on in my mind. And whether that does or doesn't have an impact is largely down to how I am feeling at the time. I'm ending the week in a lot more positive a place than the way I started it and so, I'm not thinking too much about the things that lockdown prevents me from doing.